Hate Myself For Loving You
by LadyLupin7
Summary: RL/SB Set in 1800s, AU. Basically, James and Remus crash a ball at Sirius' house. Sirius automatically likes them for this, but slowly falls for Rem. Does he feel the same? Der, Read to find out. And if you read, you review. Basic fanfic math here, folks!
1. Is That Even Possible?

_**Hate Myself For Loving You - Chapter 1: Is That Even Possible?**_

**Author's Note: **_This fic is suppose to take place in the 1800s. As I have never visited that time period, only studied it a bit, I can only write it so well. I promise to do my best, though, and all suggestions should, of course, be submitted in a lovely review!_

**Disclaimer: **_I, sadly, own none of these characters. I do, however, own the idea and the ability to record it. If I were being paid, why would I post it here, eh? _

"Aww, come along, Remus! We'll have a wonderful time! Please?" James Potter was pouting. He really wished his roommate and best friend were a bit more adventurous. It wasn't every day they had a chance to attend (and by _attend_, I mean sneak into) a ball, being part of the lower middle class of London. And this particular dark haired, hazel eyed young man refused to pass up the chance. With or without Remus Lupin, he would be going to this ball.

And Remus knows this. He weighs the pros and cons, trying to drown out his friend's pleas. On one hand, he could stay home, have the small abode to himself. He could re-read one of his favorite books without interruption. On the other hand, he could go. He could enjoy himself, enjoy the free food and drink. Maybe even find a lady; that is, if any of them would have him.

It wasn't that he was bad-looking. No, quite the opposite. With his golden-brown hair falling over his chocolate colored, innocent eyes, his shy smile, and his quiet, gentle voice, he was a handsome young man. It was that he was poor. He scolded himself for thinking all high-society women as snobs. Surely they all weren't like that, perhaps just the ones he had met.

"Okay, James. I'll go with you if you'll _stop looking at me like that._" James had used his last resort, his puppy eyes, or so he called it. He seemed to be able to double the size of his eyes. It always worked on Remus, because he had always been a sucker for a puppy dog pout.

"Terrific!" James exclaimed. "Put on your best, Remus! We are attending a ball at..." He paused to check the piece of paper Peter had scrawled the address on. "...Number 12 Grimmauld Place, The Most Noble and Ancient House of Black. Hmm," he hummed. "Sounds-"

"Odd," Remus finished.

"Kind of," James agreed slowly. "Still, put on your best suit, Remus, we are, after all, attempting to impress London's finest!"

Remus snorted. "James, my _best suit_ isn't exactly, well, going to _impress London's finest._"

"And that, my silly friend, is exactly why I had my uncle slap us together a couple of suits." At the look on Remus' face, he grinned. "You really do underestimate me, Lupin. In fact, I believe you don't think I'm capable of tying my shoes."

"Well, there was that one morning. You know, after you-"

"Hey! Hey, hey, hey. You swore we would never speak of that again!" James interrupted. "Besides," he sniffed, "I really did forget." He grinned again.

"So where are these suits?"

"Right. They're in the coat closet."

Remus stepped away from the wooden table he had been leaning against. He swung open the door, and, sure enough, two suits hung, ready for a night out. Next to their shabby-looking coats, the suits looked even more glamorous.

"James, you're sure your uncle didn't mind? I mean, he just gave them to you?"

"Um. Yeah, I just asked him. He's a generous old guy."

"Did you just hesitate? James! Where did you get these suits?"

"Uhh. I dunno what you're talking about. He-hesitation? Me? Hah! I t-told you, my uncle lent them to me."

"James Potter, you did not steal two suits from your uncle. And if you did, I refuse to know. Don't tell me. I only just decided to attend this ball, and I don't want your mischevious scheming to change my mind."

"Alright. You, good sir, have a deal."

Remus, still holding open the closet door, took down a suit. He gasped. It was the most handsome suit he'd ever seen. The silvery buttons, though plain, caught the light like a diamond. The white silk shirt had just the right amount of ruffles. He slid the jacket on. It fit perfectly!

"Oh, James, I love it!"

"Um- well, this is awkward- that's actually _my _suit. This is yours," he said, handing Remus the other suit.

"Oh. Well, I- Sorry, I didn't know," Remus laughed.

Remus' actual suit fit more than perfect, if that was possible.

_Is it possible to be more than perfect?_ For some reason not yet known to Remus, he couldn't let this thought go. He pushed it to the back of his mind.

In less than an hour, they were both dressed, James with his top hat.

"Shall we?" James asked.

"Let's," Remus replied, pulling his short white gloves on as they stepped out into the crisp night air.

**Author's Note: **So, how's the first chapter? I was reading a book where this guy kicked his hat in the door to get into a ball, and when he fell for the girl, I couldn't help but think of our own James. This isn't exactly how the story will go, but it gave me an idea for this fic. It wouldn't leave me alone, so here it is. I'm trying to make this one longer than my first, so bear with me, eh? I'll write as much as I can per chapter. No flames, cause flamers are LOSERS!!! Constructive criticism is always helpful, as I'm generally new to writing fanfics. Thanks for reading!

-LadyLupin


	2. It Will Be Beautiful

_**Hate Myself For Loving You - Chapter 2: It Will Be Beautiful**_

**Disclaimer: **I am still without ownership of these adorable characters. sigh

**Summary: **Remus and James head out to the ball. Oh, and Grimmauld Place isn't exactly what it was in the books. Remember, this is AU, you guys! In the 1800s, at that.

As they made their way up the winding dirt road in the darkness, Remus could feel his nerves kick into overdrive. He had butterflies. He was usually better at controling his emotions, but tonight, he just had a strange feeling something wonderful would happen. He was anxious to know if anything would happen and just how wonderful this thing would be. And if he was going to screw it up.

James seemed to be perfectly fine. And he was. Tonight, he was going to party with London's wealthiest. Hopefully even find a girl. He was dressed handsomely, grinning from ear to ear. He was oozing confidence. Remus glanced at him. When he saw how comfortable his friend looked, it made him even more nervous. His palms flooded with sweat.

_Never thought these gloves would actually serve a purpose. _

"Uh, James, are-are you sure w-we can get in?" He asked, his anxious feelings surfacing.

James scoffed. "Why would we be going if we couldn't get in?" At the look of doubt on Remus' face, he continued. "Yes, I am sure we can get in. Peter's arranged the whole thing. You'll see."

As they approached the house, they saw how many people were actually there. More than they expected, but not enough to where people were actually on the lawn. Remus wiped his brow.

"Calm _down_," James insisted.

Halfway up the driveway, James hunched over and took Remus down with him.

_Of course, _Remus though bitterly, _we can't enter like people. No, we're probably going to have to knock the butlers checking invitations in the head. _

James jerked his head to the right, indicating their direction. They made it around the side of the house undetected. Suddenly, a door burst open inches from James' face.

"There you are!" A pudgey blonde-haired young man stood before them. He had flour streaked down the right side of his face, and James wasn't sure what color his clothes were, they were such a mess. "I've been waiting. Then again, I have no idea what I was thinking. James Potter, punctual?"

James fake-laughed. "Ha ha, you're _so _funny."

"Okay, so... how are we getting in?" Remus asked.

Peter groaned. "I told you to tell him! You know how he gets. I'm surprised he even came without knowing the plan."

"Well, I don't think it's as exciting as he thinks it'll be."

"Nonetheless, you should've told him. It would've spared him some of his nerves."

"I knew you would say that. I just wanted to let his mind wander a bit before actually telling him."

"James, you're torturous. He probably thought you were going to- "

"Um, gentlemen, I'm still here and still unaware of our 'plan'! Care to enlighten me?"

James sniffed. "Well, if you're going to get all touchy like th- "

"You're going through the kitchen. My Dad's the cook."

Remus was relieved and slightly disappointed. Usually, James had some complicated and technical plan. He was starting to look forward to knocking a butler in the head. With what, he wasn't sure, but he was positive it would've been exciting.

"Th-that's it?"

"See Pete! I told you he would think it dull." He turned to Remus. "I was trying to convince him to sneak us a couple of frying pans. I figured we could knock the butlers out. We were gonna do it, too, but I just couldn't think of a good enough place to stash the bodies." He sighed heavily.

Remus chuckled. He knew there was a good reason he and James were best mates; great minds, after all, think alike. They stepped over the threshold to the kitchen. The food smelled delicious. James immediately found Mr. Pettigrew, shaking his hand heartily and thanking him for allowing them to sneak through. Remus rolled his eyes. James was quite the charmer, when he chose to be. It was awe-inspiring and sort of scary the way he could get people to do things for him.

After they had finished and Remus had thanked him rather shyly, they pushed open the swinging door, into the brightly lit parlor. It was a grand room, filled with young men and women. Most were flirting, some gossiping, and others were just watching.

Whatever happened tonight, Remus was sure of one thing: It would be beautiful.

**Author's Note: **Well, yes, that was a bit of a cliffie. Sorry to just leave you guys hanging. I'm sure after I post this, there will be a mob of angry Sirius fan girls at my door. He will be in the next chapter, I promise you. I love writing him so much, so I have to put him in here soon. Still doing the best I can with this time period. I felt like Remus was OOC in this chapter... How am I doing with the characters? Leave a review. Whether you love it or hate it, I wanna know. Tell me how I'm doing so far, and never, I repeat NEVER!, hesitate to suggest something for an upcoming chapter. If I like it, I may use it. I love all of you for reading this far!

XOXO to reviewers!

-Lady Lupin


	3. That GodLike Face

_**Hate Myself For Loving You - Chapter 3: That God-Like Face**_

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own. Author's Note at the bottom, as I know you're all anxious to read..._

As Remus looked around, he noticed a quartet in the corner.

_I wonder how difficult it is to play the violin? _He wondered. He often wondered odd things such as this, mainly caused by his books.

He glanced over at James, whose eyes were glazed over. This alarmed Remus, as he had never seen his best friend with such a weird expression. If Remus hadn't snapped his fingers in front of his face, he was sure James would've started drooling.

James, startled, looked at Remus.

"Isn't she beautiful?" James flashed a goofy grin in her direction, to which she furrowed her brow.

Remus had to admit she was a sight. Her flaming red hair was in an up-do and her dazzling green eyes shone brightly beneath the curls. Her dress was purple, trimmed with lace. She smiled at Remus, who had been somewhat examining her, showing her lovely smile. He smiled shyly back, unsure of how to act in such company.

When the young woman she had been talking to turned to see who she was smiling at, Remus examined her, too. She had brown eyes, much like those of his, only somehow colder. She had a horsey-face, and her hair wasn't done as nicely as the red heads'. Though about the same length, her dark hair looked slightly lop-sided, or at least to Remus. Her dress was the twin of the purple one, only blue. She smiled, as well, only it was unsurprisingly not as warm.

"Think I should talk to her?" James asked, blushing when they looked at him.

"Which one?"

"The red head, of course!"

Remus had to admit he was relieved. James didn't always have the best taste in women, but tonight seemed to be an exception.

"Of course you should. Now's as good of a time as ever. Go on." Peter had appeared out of nowhere. Or had he been there this entire time?...

"Yeah?" James asked again, looking at Remus, wanting the brighter man's insight. Though Remus wasn't sure it was the smartest thing to do, he never missed a beat.

"Oh, yes. It's not every night we go to a ball, now, is it?"

"You're right!" James was now convinced, and although that was all it took, it would've taken much more had anyone wanted to talk him out of it. Just as he was about to cross the room, a young man approached the two women.

Remus felt his jaw go slack and it would have hit his chest had his mother not taught him long ago it was impolite to stand there with your mouth open.

The young man was the most handsome Remus had ever seen. His hair was a bit longer than most in his social class. He had a God-like face, and that is just about the only way Remus could describe it. His blue eyes sparkled as he and the women laughed at something he had said. Any other gentleman would have dismissed these thoughts immediately, but Remus had had more eccentric thoughts than this and thought nothing of it.

"Well, how are we going to get rid of him?" James asked. Peter shrugged.

"I'll talk to him, you know, get him away from Green Eyes," Remus offered.

And with that, they strode across the room, leaving Peter by the kitchen. The trio stopped talking as James and Remus approached and Remus had never felt more uncomfortable in his life. Thank goodness the dark-haired boy broke the silence.

"I don't believe we've seen you gentlemen around before."

"Only just moved here," James smoothly replied. "The new bank? Father bought it just a few months back."

"Oh? So you are brothers?"

"One would assume that, I suppose, but not quite. This is my cousin. His parents wished for him to move to a better town, so he came along with us."

"Ah. Pleasure to meet you, both of you." They shook hands as he introduced himself and the girls.

"This is Miss Lily Evans and Miss Petunia Evans."

"Hello, Miss Lily Evans," James said, completely ignoring the other girl. Remus sighed in his mind and stepped in to keep them from looking foolish and rude.

"Hello, Miss Petunia Evans. I believe the two of you must be sisters?"

Lily nodded. "And you are?"

Remus blushed a deep crimson as he realized he hadn't thought to introduce himself or James.

"I'm Remus Lupin, and my cousin here is James Potter. Pardon me from not saying this sooner, your beauty left me speechless." _Sappy much? _Remus scolded himself. It wasn't like him to say things like that, but James was the smooth talker, not he. It seemed alright, however, as both of the women giggled.

James was about to say something, no doubt to Lily, when another young man joined the group. This time, Remus' breath caught in his throat. If the first man was God-like, no word in the English language could describe this man. He was like the first, only taller, longer hair, and gray eyes. Gray eyes that never left Remus' chocolate ones. He extended his hand.

"Sirius Black," he said, smiling broadly. Remus let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.

"R-Remus Lupin." _God, I hope he can't feel how sweaty my palms are._

"Yes, this is my brother." The first young man said, not at all enthused.

"Reg, mum wants you to meet some rich bloke's daughter," Sirius informed his younger brother as he discreetly wiped his hand on his trousers.

"Not again! I tell you, one more time..." He stalked off, muttering darkly to himself.

Acting as if nothing had happened, Sirius questioned Remus about James.

"My cousin, James Potter."

James and Sirius shook hands and nodded.

_I should listen to my instincts more often._ _Talk about beautiful..._

**Author's Note: **_I know, you all hate me for taking so long to update. I won't bore you with long excuses -cough exams! cough-. However, maybe this chapter made up for it somewhat? I hope on adding another chapter this week, since it's finally Spring Break here. Can you believe we're only just getting it? Insane, right? Okay, I'm dying to ask this. Was the whole Regulus/Sirius thing okay? It wasn't confusing or ignorant, was it? Well, review and tell me! If I don't get many reviews this week, don't expect a new chapter before next week! Mwuhahaha! Oh, yeah, I was thinking about a name-change for the story. Maybe something like, "Too Much of a Good Thing"? Give feedback, as you're the reader!_

_Loves to all who aren't angry with me and are going to review-_

_LadyLupin_


	4. Calm Down, It's Rather Enjoyable

_**Hate Myself For Loving You - Chapter 4: Calm Down, It's Rather Enjoyable**_

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own, as you're all aware. _

_--_

As the conversation carried on, Remus had trouble hearing anyone but Sirius. Thoughts like _"Wow" _were becoming extremely common inside his head. Before he knew it, James had talked Lily into dancing and Peter was twirling Petunia around the floor. That left himself and Sirius.

_Oh, God, don't say something stupid! And don't stand there like an idiot! You have to say __**something**__._ The voice in his head reminded him of his mother. It was rather annoying.

Remus cleared his throat. Sirius looked at him expectantly and raised an eyebrow.

"So, why isn't your mother trying to set you up with some random stranger?"

The dark-haired young man let out a bark-like laugh that made Remus' insides tingle.

"Oh, she gave up on me a long time ago."

"Pardon?"

"Well, let's just say I'm not exactly the favourite."

Remus nodded. Naturally, he had no idea what Sirius meant as he was an only child, but he could imagine.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Do you have a girl?"

"Me? No," Remus chuckled.

"Why?"

The question was so sudden. It should have been expected, but it caught Remus totally off guard.

"I-I'm not sure..."

"Are you attracted to girls?" He asked slowly, the first sign of hesitance he had shown. He broke eye contact, eyes on James and Lily.

"Of course I am," Remus reassured himself. "I'm sorry, Mr. Black, but this conversation, being our first, is getting a little too personal, don't you agree?"

"Sirius."

"Excuse me?"

"You called me Mr. Black. _My _name is Sirius." He smiled at Remus.

_And there are those damned tingles again._

"And to answer your question, in case you haven't noticed, I'm a pretty forward person. So, no, I don't believe it was getting too personal." He didn't say it harshly.

A comfortably awkward silence fell between the two, and they watched the many couples dance.

Sirius wasn't one to care much for silence when there needn't be any. So he was the one to break it.

"Care to dance?" he asked, offering his hand to the red-faced man.

"Sirius! What are you-" There was no time to complete the question as he was pulled out on the floor.

Before he knew it, he was being twirled around the floor expertly. He had never cared much for dancing, but once he calmed down, he found it rather enjoyable. Then he noticed the other people, most of which were gaping at him. He blushed and looked at Sirius with wide eyes.

"What's wrong?"

_How did he keep from noticing?_

"All of these people are staring at us," Remus mumbled.

"They aren't _people, _they're my _relatives_," he said, pulling a face. "And I never want you to feed their egos by calling them such."

When Remus looked around the room more closely, he saw only a small group of people were actually looking at them. The rest seemed to be used to Sirius' outrageous behaviour.

When the song ended, Sirius led Remus off the floor to see James and Lily.

_James must not have noticed, _Remus concluded, relieved. _Thank goodness for his short attention span. _

"Where did you two go off to?" James asked.

Remus was too late to make up some lame excuse.

"Remus and I just came from the dance floor."

James furrowed his eyebrows and frowned.

"Do you mean with each other?"

This time Remus was ready.

"Yes."

James' eyes grew.

That wasn't the question Remus had been expecting.

Then Sirius started laughing, and elbowed Remus, silently telling him to do the same.

James' expression went back to confusion.

"Come on, James, surely you know we were only joking!" Sirius said.

When the man's expression lightened, Remus sighed inwardly.

_He's so easily fooled._

Sirius pretended to be looking around the room, and suddenly exclaimed, "Oh, Remus, there she is! I believe you said you would like to meet her?"

Remus, although he had no idea who "she" was, followed suit.

"So she is here. Very well. Care to introduce us?"

And Sirius led Remus through the crowd, up the stairs, and into a small room, which Remus soon learned was the linen closet.

"You didn't want him to know."

Remus guessed James was him and the dance was what he didn't want him to know about. He was right.

"Why does this upset you? It was only a dance, a joke, after all." The look on Sirius' face made Remus want to hug him, to make him feel better.

"Then... You don't- You're not..." Even though he hadn't finished the question, he seemed to expect Remus to know what he meant. But the young man didn't.

"I'm sorry?" he asked helplessly.

_Oh, God, that look again..._

"Are you or are you not attracted to men?" Sirius asked very bluntly.

"No," Remus said. "Well, not as a general rule, anyway. I mean, I've had feelings for men before, but nothing like I'm feeling right now. All of these tingles and, and butterflies," he finished, gesturing wildly towards his abdomen.

"What do you mean, "right now"?"

"Right now, with you."

In case you're wondering, at this point, all thought had left Remus and his body seemed to control his mouth, not his brain. And it seemed all of the right words were coming out. So he let the rest spill from his lips.

"When I saw you, I got all of these odd feelings and I couldn't string a sentence together at first. Then, I saw you smile, and that's when I got the tingles. Not that they were unpleasant, just... odd. And _then_ you put your hands on me while we were dancing, and it was like you were shocking me with the tips of your fingers, only it wasn't what I would call painful." His body had run out of words and he had never been more embarrassed in his life.

Even though Sirius had felt practically the same way, he was too proud to actually say it. With words, anyway. So, instead, he took a small step forward.

And then one more.

And when he was so close to Remus he could almost hear his heart beat, he hugged him.

Then he held him a few seconds longer than was an appropriate length of time for two gentleman to embrace. He squeezed him gently and let go, awaiting Remus' reaction.

Apparently, Remus' body might have run out of words, but it wasn't quite out of actions. He grabbed the other man and squeezed him very tightly.

When they released, the comfortably awkward silence was back, only this time a bit less comfortable. Sirius was staring at Remus with his head tilted to the right, his expression absent. Remus was suddenly fascinated with his overly-shined shoes.

_Surprised they're still this shiny, _his mother-like voice inside his head told him.

With Sirius' eyes burning into him, he looked up. What he saw made him lose all thought yet again. His body was back to controlling his mouth.

He took two small steps toward him, and crashed their lips together to no objection. At first, he will admit he was nervous, but once he calmed down, he found it rather enjoyable.

--

**Author's Note: **_This is my longest chapter ever! I know it's still not very long, but I'm working on it, okay? It's difficult for me to write long chapters. Though I dunno why... So, how did you like this chapter? I absolutely loathe it. It's pretty much a big piece of crap and I should delete it. Grr! Okay, I don't hate it that much, but it is my least favorite chapter. The name thing again! If you have any suggestions, post them in a review! _

_Don't know what to say in a review? Here are some suggestions:_

_1) The chapter title_

_2) Were they in character?_

_3) Did this chapter suck as much as I know it did? _

_4) Was the last line totally inappropriate?_


	5. Neither Were Slurring

_**Hate Myself For Loving You - Chapter 5: Neither Were Slurring**_

**Author's Note: **_I am terrible. You all have reason to hate me. However, I hope you don't... Summer got me excited and I dyed my hair black, and I've been having some personal issues. Hope you all enjoyed the Marauder Prequel!! Even if Remus wasn't in it..._

**Disclaimer: **_sigh STILL not mine... _

_--_

James, being the good friend he was, was beginning to worry about Remus. Alright, that wasn't it at all. Somehow, and he still has no idea how, he managed to anger Miss Lily Evans. He soon discovered she wasn't one to joke around with when she was mad, and abandoned all attempts to cheer her up. He had been searching for Remus for a good five minutes through the crowd, and had had no luck. Just when he was about to leave the party without his friend, he remembered seeing them head up the stairs. Just when he was about to begin to climb them, he heard a young man speak.

"Where are you going?" The sentence sounded a lot shorter than it actually was. James knew before he turned around he wasn't going to like this guy. He turned, and, sure enough, just by looking into the young man's cold, black eyes, he knew they would never be proper acquaintances, let alone friends.

"I hardly think that's any of your business," James responded in the same short tone. When he saw the young man sneer, James knew he had no authority over him and continued to climb the stairs. The man must've followed him, because when he reached the top, he felt an arm stop him and spin him around.

For the first time, he actually looked at the man. His suit looked old and worn, but it was still as black as the man's hair, which was greased down. It was combed straight back out of his eyes. His skin was pale, but not in an attractive way. His nose was as crooked as his yellowing teeth. He was a bit taller than James and may have intimidated someone such as Peter, and I believe we'll all agree James is certainly not a lot like Peter.

James jerked his arm from the man's hand and scoffed.

"You have no business roaming this house," the man said, using the same tone.

"Like it's any of your concern."

"Actually, it is, seeing as I reside here."

This baffled James. This man looked nothing like Sirius or Regulus. Surely he was an extremely distant relative or something?

"You live here?" James asked, furrowing his brow.

"Are you calling me a liar?"

"What's your name?"

"I am Severus Snape. And yourself?"

"James Potter."

"Well, Potter, I suggest you either head back downstairs, leave the residence, or be forcefully thrown from the door."

"Who would have the pleasure of throwing me out the door?"

"I would."

James looked him over and laughed.

"I doubt you could even pick up a flower, let alone a full grown man."

"You never told me what your business was up here."

"And I don't intend to."

With that, James continued down the hall, listening intently, both for a sign of which of the many rooms Remus was in and Snape. When he heard Snape climb back down the stairs, he started opening doors at random. The first door was a bedroom, most likely a guest room. The second was a powder room. The third was a linen closet.

All three of the young men jumped.

"So," Sirius said, "enjoying the party, James?"

It took James a moment to respond.

"Erm, Rem, we need to go..."

Remus, blushing furiously, followed James down the hall and stairs, looking at his shoes.

"Why are you leaving?" Sirius called after them.

James stopped and turned around.

"It has nothing to do with either of you, if that's what is worrying you, as I am going to assume you're drunk. Miss Evans and I have had a falling out, and I hope we will see you again soon, Sirius."

"Oh. Alright. See you soon, then. Good bye, Remus."

"Bye."

James forced himself to ignore the fact that neither were slurring.

--

The walk back to their house was a quiet one, aside from forced small talk.

When they arrived at their home, they both removed their suits and put on regular clothes. They sat at the kitchen table and drank coffee, mostly because James insisted Remus needed to "sober up".

James told Remus about how he had been talking to Lily and Petunia Evans, and how he had upset them both, but he didn't really care he had upset Petunia. It seemed to bother him that he had upset Lily and still wasn't sure how he had managed it.

He even talked about some bloke called Snape. After listening to James' obviously embellished description of him, he told Remus had had claimed to live there. Remus nearly choked on his coffee.

"He lives there?" Remus could feel jealousy bubbling to the surface.

"Well, that's what he said, but I don't really believe him. He sure didn't look the part, if you understand my meaning."

"Oh. Good, good…" The jealousy was mostly gone now, but curiosity was taking its place. "I wonder what he was doing there. Perhaps his entrance was similar to ours?" he suggested, a small smile on his face.

James rolled his eyes. "You know you enjoyed yourself. You must have just loved the feeling! Knowing we could get thrown out at any time."

These words made Remus' heart sink. Sirius still thought he and James were cousins. _I wonder what he would think if he knew…_ As his thoughts trailed off, he looked around the kitchen, as if seeing it for the first time. Remus and James weren't what most considered poor. It wasn't like they had to beg or anything of the like, but they certainly weren't well off.

"James, do you ever wonder what it must be like to be like Sirius?" James raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"I mean rich." Here, Remus was expecting James to give some generic answer, like "We have each other's company! What would we need with more money?", but he didn't.

"Of course," he replied, as if it should have been obvious to everyone, especially his best mate.

"Really? What would you do with that much money?"

"Hmm." James ruffled his hair and smiled. "Truthfully, I would probably use it to impress Lily Evans."

"The one you upset tonight?" Remus was surprised James was so taken with a young woman he hardly knew.

James grinned. "I know it sounds strange, but there's just something about her."

"I know what you mean," Remus agreed, staring into his cold coffee. He thought back to when he saw Sirius and chuckled.

"What? You met someone, too?"

Remus somehow managed to keep from rolling his eyes and groaning.

"You could say that."

"Who?"

"Uh… I-I didn't catch her name."

"It wasn't that Bellatrix girl, was it?" James asked timidly.

"Huh? What? No, no!"

"Good. She scares me."

Remus couldn't help but laugh.

"Why?"

"There's just something about her I don't like. You know, like when we first met Pete?"

Remus remembered. They had been about 12 years old and it was summer. Remus and James had been sitting on James' porch drinking lemonade and considering going for a swim when a little blonde boy, shorter than both but still around their age, had walked up.

"Hello. I'm Peter Pettigrew. My family just moved here and my father told me to get acquainted with the neighborhood children."

James had gotten a strange look on his face and leaned toward Remus and whispered, "I got a funny feeling about him."

Remus, having been raised to always remain somewhat polite, shh!ed his friend and stood to greet Peter.

"Hiya. My name's Remus. Remus Lupin." When James stood, but refused to introduce himself, Remus added, "He's James Potter."

"It's nice to meet you both," Peter nodded, wiping his brow. Remus considered offering him a drink, but as this was James' house, decided against it. He just stood, eyes darting between James and Peter.

"Peter, James and I were just thinking about going for a swim. Would you like-"

"Sure!"

"Okay. C'mon, James."

James sighed but followed them. Once there, of course, James was back to his normal self, talking and joking with both Remus and Peter. Since that day, they've been friends. It had been as simple as that.

Drifting out of his memory, he saw James stirring his coffee with his finger. This made Remus chuckle.

"Erm, what exactly are you doing that for?"

James sighed. "I dunno."

"Well, what's wrong?"

"Evans."

"Ah. Well, why don't you pay her a visit in the morning? I was thinking of visiting mum and dad."

"I don't know where she lives," James replied glumly.

"Surely Sirius does! Or, if not him, one of our mother's is bound to know." Remus smiled slightly at the thought. Their mothers were quite the gossips, always visiting one another, while their fathers (who visited each other frequently as well) mainly just sat and smoked pipes.

"Yes, I guess you're right. I… It's just- What did I do wrong?" James was now waving his arms wildly, slinging a bit of coffee across Remus' face.

"Just, when you go in, start by apologizing. Simple as that." Remus doubted it would be that simple, but it seemed to give James new hope. He was now muttering to himself.

"Yes, apologize… Simple, of course!" He exclaimed suddenly. Remus gave him a confused look he ignored. He stood and stretched, yawning.

"Well, Rem, I'm heading off to bed. See you in the morning."

"Night."

Remus spent that night dreaming of linen closets.

**Author's Note:** _Hiya. I'm working on lengthening my chapters, see?? Haha, all I can do is try. Excuse the long gap between updates, as I am extremely sorry. I have summer schoolwork for the first time EVER, and it sucks. I have to read My Antonia and do some work on it, and it's not a dull book, it's just I hate being forced to read. Okay, ramble over. So, review and tell me what kind of parents you want Remus to have! Weird, uptight parents, easy going, one of each?... And what about Lily? What made her angry? Review and tell me/ guess! Did this chapter suck? Review! Did you love my introduction of Snape? Review! Wasn't James' denial awesome? Review!! Hee hee. I love you all, and thanks for reading!_


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